70 Funny Pirate Jokes That’ll Get You Treasured Laughter

Funny pirate jokes are great for a laugh – whether you are looking for buried treasure or hoping to inspire your pet parrot! After all, while pirates may sometimes look scary, they can also be funny characters. 

So, before you are forced to walk the plank, here are some hilarious pirate jokes to save your life! 

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Pirate Jokes and Pirate Puns for a Good Laugh

1. How do pirates call each other?
On their aye phones.

2. Why didn’t the pirate go back to pirate school after he lost his hand?
Because he was too busy playing hooky.

3. What do you call a pirate with two hands, two eyes and two legs?
A rookie.

4. What do you call a three-eye pirate?
A piiirate.

5. What is a pirate’s favorite musical instrument?
The guitarrr.

6. Which South American country does a pirate go to for vacation?
Arrr-gentina.

7. Why couldn’t the pirates play the card game?
Because they were standing on the deck.

8. What did the sea say to the pirate?
Nothing. It just waved. 

9. What do old pirates use to get around?
Davy Jones Walker.

10. Why don’t pirates cry in public?
Because they like private-tears.

11. If pirates were school teachers, what subject would they teach?
Arrrrt!

12. Why don’t pirates like taking roller coasters?
Because they s’curvey.

13. What is a pirate crew’s favorite form of exercise?
Planking.

14. How do pirates maintain discipline on board a ship?
Stern-ly.

15. Why did the pirate with a missing left eye get into a fight with the pirate missing a right eye?
Because they couldn’t see eye to eye.

16. What do pirates wear when it is cold?
Long Johns.

17. Why did the pirate walk into a bar?
Because he was wearing his eye patch on the wrong eye.

18. Why do you call a pirate ship crew that is planning a mutiny?
A conspira-sea.

19. What has 5 legs, 5 hands and 5 eyes?
Six pirates.

20. What do pirates wear in the wintertime?
Arrr-gyle sweaters.

21. Why is being a pirate so addictive?
Because once you lose your first hand, you get hooked.

22. How much does a pirate hook and wooden peg cost?
An arm and a leg.

23. What does the Pirate Santa say?
Yo ho ho!

24. Where do pirates go shopping for clothes?
At the second hand store.

25. Which teachers are secretly pirates? 
Algebra teachers. Because they are always looking for the X.

26. Why did the pirate take so long to learn the alphabet?
Because he spent so much time at C.

27. What do you call a pirate sword that is blunt?
A cut-less.

28. Why do pirates carry swords?
Because the swords don’t carry themselves.

29. Where did the pirate keep his treasure?
In a j-aarrr.

30. Why did the pirate go to the Apple store?
To get a new eye-patch. 

31. Why did the pirate buy the ship that went by the dock?
It was on sail.

32. What is a pirate’s least favorite vegetable?
Leeks.

33. Why did the pirate say when he found his peg leg in the freezer?
Shiver me timbers.

34. What happened to Bluebeard when he fell into the Red Sea?
He got marooned.

35. Why couldn’t the phone call to the pirate go through?
Because he left it off the hook.

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Even More Hilarious Pirate Jokes and Pirate Puns

Ready for more funny pirate jokes that will get you hoisting up the sail? Many of these are puns based on how pirates speak, one of the funniest things about the seafaring marauders. Get ready for even more silly pirate jokes.

36. What is a pirate’s favorite genre of music?
Arrr & B.

37. Why do pirates enjoy pizza?
Because it comes in pieces o’ eight.

38. Where do pirates go for a drink?
The sandbar.

39. When does a one-eyed pirate get two eyes?
When his crew says “Aye Aye, Captain”!

40. Where is a pirate’s favorite breakfast restaurant?
IHOP.

41. What style of hair cuts do pirates get at the hairdresser?
Crew cuts.

42. Why don’t pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
Because they will wash up on shore.

43. What do you call a pirate that puts a belt on a pumpkin?
A squashbuckler.

44. Why did the pirate decide to walk the plank?
Because he did not have a dog.

45. How much does it cost to pierce an ear in the Caribbean?
A buck-an-ear.

46. Did you hear that it costs $4 for a slice of apple pie in the Bahamas and $8 in Barbados?
Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

47. What do you call pirate that stands very close to you?
A bucca-near.

48. How do you save a dying pirate?
Perform CP-Arrr.

49. What did the pirate use to get to the top of the Empire State Building?
The elevat-arrr!

50. What is a pirate’s favorite element?
Arrrgon.

51. Why is it hard for pirates to help other people?
Because they find it hard to lend a hand to others.

52. Why was the pirate such a good boxer?
Because he had a strong left hook.

53. Why was the pirate good with reciting the tongue twister, “Chester Cheetah chews a chunk of cheep cheddar cheese”?
Because he was good with the seven Cs.

54. What is a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?
Arrr!

55. What did the pirate get his daughter for Christmas? 
A Barrrbie doll.

56. What is a pirate’s favorite brand of juice?
Hi C.

57. Why are pirate ships so dangerous?
Because they are asailling ships. 

58. What do you call a droid that is also a pirate?
Arrr-two D2

Do you like Star Wars jokes? Read more Star Wars jokes here.

59. What did the pirate get an eye patch?
To update his iPhone.

60. Why do pirates always get invited to backyard parties?
Because they are so good at barrrbequing.

61. What did one pirate say to the other pirate?
I sea you!

62. How do you make a pirate angry?
Remove the “p”.

63. Where do you find a pirate with a missing wooden leg?
Right where you left him.

64. Why do pirates make such good singers?
Because they can hit the high seas! 

65. Why was the pirate confident he could win the race?
Because he knew that his leg wood work. 

66. Where did the pirate who lost his arm go shopping?
At the second hand shop.

67. What is a pirate’s favorite fish?
Swordfish.

68. How did the young sailor end up joining the pirate crew?
It was the result of pier pressure.

69. What do you call a pirate with no arms and no leg?
An expert. 

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Even More Swashbuckling Pirate Jokes and Puns

Many funny pirate jokes and puns have to do with the pirates being out at sea all the time. It is a pirate’s life – and one that be full of adventure and buried treasure too! Here are more pirate jokes.

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum! It is even more pirate jokes to tickle the brain. 

70. Why did the pirate bring a ladder to the party?
He wanted to get onboard with the fun.

71. What is a pirate’s favorite Beatles song?
Loot it be.

72. Why did the pirate go on vacation? 
Because he needed some arrrrr and arrrr. 

73. What type of wrestling matches do pirates like the most?
No holds b-arrred.

74. Did you hear that only 96.86% of people at sea are sailors?
The rest are pi-rates.

75. How do pirates buy goods online?
They add the items they want into the shipping cart.

76. When did the monster wake up the pirate?
At the kraken dawn.

77. What do you call a pirate with two eyes?
A piirate.

78. Why did the pirate go to jail?
For piracy.

79. How do pirates like their eggs done?
Rummy.

80. What did the pirate say when he was marooned in the arctic? 
Shiver me timbers. 

81. What is a pirate’s favorite movie?
The Pirates of the Caribbean.

82. What is a pirate’s favorite class in school? 
Arr-ithmatic

83. Why don’t pirates catch a cold?
Because they get a lot of vitamin sea!

84. Why did the pirate go to the cobbler? 
To improve his booty. 

85. Why did the pirate get lost on land?
Because he wasn’t shore which way to go.

86. What is the one-legged pirate’s favorite game?
Hopscotch.

87. What did the pirate say to the sea monster?
What’s kraken?

88. What grade did the pirate get at school? 
High Cs.

89. Why is a pirate’s favorite Disney show?
Booty and the Beast.

90. Why don’t pirates like to buy new hats?
Because they are worried about cap-sizing.

91. What is the difference between a pirate and a pie-rat?
One plunders the sea while the other plunders the pantry.

92. Why do retired pirates like yoga?
Because of all the ex-sailing. 

93. When is a pirate made of wood?
When he is aboard.

94. How can you tell a ghost pirate ship from a regular pirate ship?
By the skeleton crew.

95. Why did the pirate go shopping?
Because they were having a sail.

96. Where do pirates go when they feel sick?
The dock-tor.

97. Where do pirates like to go to exercise? 
Gold’s Gym. 

98. What happens when you throw a Finnish pirate overboard?
Helsinki.

99. Why did the pirate name his dog “Plank”?
So that he could walk the Plank.

100. Where do pirates make change for a dollar?
At the quarterdeck.

101. Why was the pirate tied to the mast?
Because he was being knotty.

102. What do you call a worried pirate ship that has sunk?
A nervous wreck.

103. Why can’t you tickle a pirate?
Because they are nauticalish.

104. What do you call the captain of a pirate ship?
The sails manager.

105. When is a pirate not a pirate?
When he is aboard.

106. What is a pirate’s favorite Christmas movie?
A Plunderful Life.

107. Why do the pirates tape up their mouths tightly in a storm?
Because loose lips sink ships.

If you liked these pirate jokes, we predict that you will also enjoy these cheese jokes, these short jokes or reading about a pirate ship experience.